Game Day – Let’s Give Thanks
We think #80 should use some of the 5 million we're giving him to buy some Thanksgiving dinner for the needy!
This is the last game before Thanksgiving so it's a good time to take a look and see what we are thankful for this season. It's an understatement to say that it's been a tough one so far, but we can think of a few bright spots that we are certainly thankful for. Here's a quick list:
1) Sammie Stroughter - the rookie 7th round draft pick is, by some measures, our best wide receiver. His 21 receptions and 246 receiving yards lead all wide receivers and he has been a stud on special teams too.
2) Kellen Winslow - he came in with a bad reputation but since then Winslow has said and done everything that could be expected of him. He leads all Bucs receivers in receptions (42), yards (454) and most importantly touchdowns (5).
3) Maurice Stovall - the 4th year receiver is having his best season as a Buc, with 186 receving yards and 1 touchdown. Though not spectacular numbers, it's easy to see the improvement he's made and the potential he has.
4) Michael Clayton - the Buc's #2 Wide Receiver (seriously, why has he not moved down the depth chart already?????) is 5th on the team in receptions, tied for 5th on the team in yards, and the only one of the top 8 receiving targets that has not caught a touchdown. Clayton could have shut this site down just by producing a little bit on the field. But since he hasn't/can't/won't do that, we are still going strong.
THANKS MIKE
P.S. Will there be any 80 Stitches clothes out in time to give them as Christmas presents. HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA
Michael Clayton Was Better Than Good?
We read an amazing quote today that, frankly, we're finding a little hard to deal with. Here it is, it comes from Owen Gleiberman:
"Michael Clayton was better than good . . . just about restores your faith".
Our first thought was, what the F was Owen Gleiberman watching, because Michael Clayton was only involved in one memorable play from the game, his complete failure to go after a pass which resulted in Josh Johnson's second interception of the game.
Well, it turns out that Owen Gleiberman is not a writer for Pro Football Weekly, he's a writer for Entertainment Weekly. And he wasn't referring to #80, he was referring to the film "Michael Clayton" starring George Clooney.
This Michael Clayton Is Better Than Our Michael Clayton
Now, we still don't agree with Mr. Gleiberman, we didn't think the movie was much better than the receiver. However, we did see the movie, which is (almost literally) more than we can say for #80 in England. But he does bring up an interesting question, who would you rather have lining up for the Bucs Michael Clayton or Michael Clayton?
Let's compare the two and find out who would be the better fit for us.
Michael Clayton clearly wins the size battle, he's listed at 6-4, 215; Michael Clayton (George Clooney) is just 5-11, about 190. So Clayton might have the physical edge when it comes to blocking, which is what he does best (notice we didn't say "well", but it's the thing he sucks least at).
George Clooney clearly wins the hands battle and it's not just because he played a doctor on the hit television show ER. Mainly it's because his competition is Michael Clayton, and everybody has better hands than Clayton.
Next comes route running and the edge here again goes to Clooney. If you need evidence, look at the path Clooney took to stardom. He went from playing a handyman on The Facts Of Life to one episode on Golden Girls to becoming the Sexiest Man Alive. Now that dude can run a route.
Of course, in order to be fair, we must also consider football playing ability. I don't know if you watched the movie Leatherheads (we like our sports movies to actually be about sports), but Clooney showed more skill in that movie than Clayton has shown in the past 5 years. Plus, Clooney once tried out for the Cincinatti Reds, so he's clearly more athletic.
And of course there is the whole money issue. Now Clooney does get paid a lot more than Clayton does, but consider this: Clooney is actually worth some of what he gets paid and he's entertaining to watch. Plus, while neither Clayton nor Clooney had a single catch on Sunday against the Patriots, Clayton did play a big part in an interception which did cost the Bucs, so this one might be a draw. If I were signing the checks, neither one of them would get paid after their performance against the Patriots.
So, who would we rather have on the Bucs? We're going with Michael Clayton. The one from the movie. George Clooney. While he might be a little undersized (people say that about Sammie Stroughter too), he does have better hands, runs better routes, has put better stuff on film, has an equally good beard, would draw more attention than #80, never runs his mouth, has a deserved ego, and has shown that he can produce (something Clayton clearly cant' do).
Bottom line, Clooney is a better Michael Clayton, on screen and off, than Michael Clayton. Plus, did we mention how good looking he is?
The Gang @ 80Sucks.com
Is Michael Clayton One Of The Greatest Of All Time?
Wait a sec, is this the T.O. pic or the Kanye pic?
In an article by Charles Robinson for Yahoo! Sports, the author quotes an unnamed league General Manager as saying: “I hear that he’s one of the greatest of all time, but I don’t buy it – never did. He drops balls. He’s not a natural catcher. He’s not a great route runner, blah, blah, blah. He’s big and strong and good with the run after the catch, if he catches it. I can give you 100 negatives. It’s just not worth it." He goes on to say, "You’re talking about using a guy knowing he’s a failure and who might shock you with a touchdown or two."
That's exactly what we've been saying about Clayton.
What's interesting to note here, however, is that the GM was actually referring to Buffalo Bills wide receiver Terrell Owens. Now, we're not sure which is more shocking, hearing these things about T.O., or seeing the eery similarity to Michael Clayton in his "prime".
So there you have it, Michael Clayton's career has officially reached it's pinnacle because we have just compared him to an old, washed up, stat-deprived Terrell Owens. And we can guarantee you this is the first time he has EVER been compared to T.O.
Hope you enjoyed your run Mike, it's all down hill from here.
The Gang @ 80Sucks.com
Clayton Vs. NFL Receivers – Week 6
We now have 6 weeks worth of statistics in the books, so we thought we'd check back in to take a quick look at how Michael Clayton stacks up against the receivers in the NFL.
- Receptions - Claytons 11 receptions ties him at #141 in the league. Among the list of recievers he's tied with is St. Louis Rams tight end Daniel Fells. While he has about 35 fewer yards than Clayton, he has two things that we doubt Clayton will get this year - touchdowns. He also makes about $4.5 million less per year than Clayton.
- Yards - Claytons 154 yards puts him at #106 in the league. That gives him a total of 3 more yards (on 2 less catches) than teammate Sammie Stroughter. Stroughter has been playing outstanding football though and he has built his stats with steady play as opposed to Claytons one decent game followed by absolute crap. And he makes about $4.5 million less per year than Clayton.
- Touchdowns - Claytons zero touchdown catches (which is still completely not a surprise) ties him at #138. He's tied with a bunch of people here, a group that includes, among others, my 9 year old daughter. And while I am very proud that she has the same amount of TD's as a $5 million/year NFL wide receiver along with 8 fewer drops (again, she's only 9 years old, stands at about 52 inches, and weighs less than 60 pounds), but she's an excellent value when you consider her allowance is about $96,143 less per week than what Michael Clayton gets.
Again, we're not surprised by the numbers Clayton is putting up (or should we say "not putting up); they are pretty average for him based on his career numbers. We're just having a hard time figuring out why he's getting paid so much more than Daniel Fells, Sammie Stroughter, and my daughter. Especially considering their production is virtually the same.
The Gang @ 80Sucks.com
14 Guys You’ve Never Heard Of That Are Better Than Michael Clayton
I don't know who these guys are, but I'd take any one of them over Clayton
How bad is Michael Clayton?
We decided that we needed a more concrete answer to this question than just "he sucks". How bad is he really? So to answer the question, we did a little investigative journalism, and some exhaustive editing, and came up with a list of 14 wide receivers in the NFL that had better stats than Michael Clayton. Oh yeah, and we tried to find guys that you literally had never heard of.
So what were the criteria, how did we come up with the list? Well first, we decided to compile a list of guys that had better statistics than Michael Clayton in every metric. In other words, there were some guys that had more catches but less yards, so we scratched them out. There were some guys with more yards but less catches, so we scratched them out. There were some guys with more drops but less...just kidding, nobody has more drops than Clayton. And of course nobody has less TD's than Clayton, so that one doesn't matter.
Then we went over the list again and took out the guys that you shouldn't have ever heard of, but did because they were in some way high profile like Sidney Rice who plays with Brett Favre or Pierre Garcon who plays in Indy or Louis Murphy that nobody outside of Florida knows but you do.
We can't believe we're saying this but we were actually very fair to Clayton in compiling this list. There were lots of guys that we felt belonged on the list, but we took them out because we thought someone might have heard of them (besides just the true fantasy geeks).
So here it is, 15 guys that you've never heard of that are better than Michael Clayton. (And we're sure they probably all get paid far less, but we didn't do the research to confirm it) Also, interesting note: there are three guys on this list (meaning they have better stats than Clayton) that play in St. Louis, the worst offense in the NFL. Now if that doesn't tell you how bad Michael Clayton is then you just don't get it.
Donnie Avery - St. Louis - 2nd year out of Houston
rec-19 yds-213 td-2
last year-3td
Earl Bennett - Chicago - 2nd year out of Vanderbilt
rec-19 yds-257 td-0
last year-no catches
Davone Bess - Miami - 2nd year out of Hawaii
rec-23 yds-175 td-0
last year-1td
Mark Bradley - Kansas City - 5th year out of Oklahoma
rec-15 yds-177 td-1
last year-3td (on 30 receptions)
Keenan Burton - St. Louis - 2nd year out of Kentucky
rec-17 yds-171 td-0
last year-1td
Greg Camarillo - Miami - 4th year out of Stanford
rec-14 yds-119 td-0
last year-2td
Austin Collie - Indianapolis - Rookie out of Brigham Young
rec-20 yds-228 td-3
last year-at BYU (he's only got 1 start)
Julian Edelman - New England - Rookie out of Kent State
rec-21 yds-188 td-0
last year-at Kent State (he was a quarterback)
Bryant Johnson - Detroit - 7th year out of Penn State
rec-17 yds-207 td-1
last year-3td (never gone a season w/o a TD unlike our #80)
Josh Morgan - San Francisco - 2nd year out of Virginia Tech
rec-13 yds-202 td-1
last year-3td
Laurent Robinson - St. Louis - 3rd year out of Illinois State
rec-13 yds-167 td-1
last year-5 recs
Mike Sims-Walker - Jacksonville - 3rd year out of UCF
rec-28 yds-398 td-3
last year-1 start 16-recs
Jerheme Urban - Arizona - 6th year out of Trinity
rec-15 yds-172 td-0
last year-4tds (this guy plays behind Fitzgeral, Boldin & Breaston)
Mike Wallace - Pittsburgh - Rookie out of Mississippi
rec-18 yds-296 td-1
last year-at Mississippi
Game Day – Top 10 Reasons Michael Clayton Sucks
10) You're ranked 131st the league in receptions, 97th in yards, and 129th in touchdowns. Think about that. There are only 64 starting wide receivers in the leagues. Granted, the rankings include running backs and tight ends, but when you are ranked 131st and 129th in catches and touchdowns, respectively, that means there are on average 4 players on EVERY OTHER TEAM IN THE LEAGUE who have more catches and receiving touchdowns than you.
9) The only thing people can talk about is your blocking. Unless you're Hines Ward, talking about how great a starting wide receivers blocking is (without mentioning his ability to actually catch the ball) is the dating equivalent of saying a girl has a "nice personality." Every guy (and girl, for that matter) knows what you mean when you say a girl has a nice personality. Just like we all know what it means when someone says Clayton is a "great blocker."
8 ) You're supposed to be a number two (starting) receiver, yet less than 2% of espn.com fanatasy owners have you on their roster. (And it'd be even lower if you didn't include Mark Dominik, Raheem Morris, and Clayton's family and friends giving him a pity roster spot). And just think, it didn't cost those 2% of fantasy owners $25 million to have him on their team. Nobody would be dumb enough to have this guy on their team if it cost them $25 million......wait, nevermind.
7) You nearly have as many drops as you have catches after 5 games. How can that be? Either you have very few catches or a lot of drops. Or both.
6) You make Bucs fans remember the good ol' days of Reidel Anthony and Jacquez Green. Remember how we all complained about the undersized Gator receivers who were afraid of contact? If only we had a big, strong, physical wide receiver who wasn't afraid to go over the middle, we thought. Well, we got him.....and now we're probably not the only ones saying maybe Anthony and Green weren't that bad.
5) You have as many touchdown catches as Gaines Adams over the past year and a half. That would be Gaines Adams, the former DEFENSIVE END for the Tampa Bay Buccaneers. Oh, and he only has one more touchdown over that same period than Dexter Jackson, who some say is one of the biggest busts in Bucs history and who is now a back-up receiver in his flag football league.
4) Your head coach made you sign a written contract outlining the coach's expectations for you over the off-season. Isn't that something you do to a 3rd grader? How many times did Mike Alstott, Derrick Brooks, or Ronde Barber have to sign a contract promising to work hard. You don't make professionals do some things like that. Of course, maybe that's just it.....Clayton has never been a professional.
3) You actually say after a 34-21 loss that "this is the first loss you can smile about" simply because you caught 5 balls for 93 yards. That's the attitude of a player who sucks.
2) Your coach DARES the media to write an article questioning why you're on the team after one game with 5 catches for 93 yards and 0 touchdowns. When have you ever heard a head coach smuggly dare sportswriters to write about why a starting player is on a team? And if a coach is going to do it, shouldn't he at least wait until the receiver blows up? Maybe if he had 15 catches (not 5) or 193 yards (not 93). The guy didn't have a touchdown, didn't have 100 yards receiving, and didn't help his team win the game.
1) You have your own theme song and website called....that's right....80sucks. 'Nough said.
Would You Trade For This?
Do other GMs see the warning signs like we do?
In the wake of the Gaines Adams trade there has been speculation, notably from ProFootballTalk.com and JoeBucsFan.com, that Michael Clayton could be next. And while we would LOVE to see #80 leave, consider this. If you were an NFL General Manager with a fiduciary duty to improve your team, could you (in good conscience) trade anything for Michael Clayton?
If you looked at it by the numbers, you'd see that he broke out his rookie year catching 80 passes for 1,193 yards and 7 touchdowns. OK, so far so good, but what happened next?
Clayton then went on what you might call a dry spell. Specifically, he went on a touchdown drought that went through his entire sophomore season and beyond. In total it lasted for 651 days. Think about that, that's 1 year, 9 months, and 13 days. And keep in mind, he was actually playing during that time. It's not like he was on IR or anything.
OK, so what happened next? Did he get back on track and go back to his rookie form?
Well . . . not exactly. Actually, he followed up his 651 day drought with another drought. But this time he outdid himself. Instead of a measly 651 days, his next drought lasted 805 days. Yup, 805 days. That's 2 years, 2 months, and 13 days. Again, he was not on IR, he was actually on the field during most of the Bucs games.
(Imagine if you went to work, set your lunch bag down on your desk, got comfortable in your chair and then instead of doing some work, you just sat there. Doing nothing. Everyday. For 2 years, 2 months, and 13 days.
That's the type of employee that the Bucs signed to a brand new 5 year deal worth more than $25 million with $10 million guaranteed this offseason, on the heels of that stellar drought.)
So did Clayton take the new money, and the new head coach, and the new offensive coordinator, and the new quarterback, and his new confidence and burst on to the scene as a scoring machine?
Not exactly. He's actually working on a new drought that is currently at 293 days and counting. During that time he has recorded 10 catches and 7 drops. How long will this scoring drought last? Will he set a new personal record? History says he can and he will.
So if you're an NFL General Manager charged with improving the talent on your team, could you trade for Michael Clayton? Could you look at those numbers and somehow twist them into believing that Clayton could help your team? And how would you explain it to your fans who are undoubtedly reading 80Sucks.com and laughing about how terrible Clayton is? How do you spin it so they believe Clayton will stop making excuses and start producing?
We're not sure any GM in the league could do that or would do that. What do you think?
The Gang @ 80Sucks.com
Instructional Video For Michael Clayton?
We've just posted an instructional video for Michael Clayton courtesy of BigPaizan at WhatTheBuc.net. Check it out and let us know what you think. Click Here
Michael Clayton Is THE Reason The Bucs Are 0-5
One bad one will spoil the bunch
As fans and coaches start looking for answers to the Bucs poor start to the season, and amid Jimmy Wilkerson's warning that another loss could cause serious rifts in the locker room, it would be reassuring if someone could definitively say, "This is the problem, " so the organization could go about fixing it.
Well, 80Sucks.com has come to the rescue. Here is the problem:
Michael Clayton
Now, some people might say, "Come on, it's not ALL Clayton's fault".
Really? Really? Then how do you explain this:
In a May interview with Tony Lopez of BleacherReport.com, Michael Clayton describes himself as "a leader to young guys coming in, been their voice . . . kinda show them the ropes and hang out and teach them things". He goes on to say, "So I've been that guy behind the scenes ever since I've gotten here."
What a scary freakin' thought. Michael Clayton taking our young talent under his wing and showing them the way. WTF!!!! No wonder we suck.
Would you let Mike Tyson teach your kid to read? Or teach them anger management techniques? Then why would you let Mike Clayton teach your young players anything. Someone should have been keeping Clayton away from all of our potential future stars. In fact, we'd go so far as to say the Bucs should have gotten a restraining order against him
Do you need more proof? He says in the interview, "I'm friends with everybody, I've counseled a lot of people in a lot of situations, Aqib, Tanard." OK, we love Aqib and Tanard, they are absolute studs and along with Barrett Ruud the future of the Bucs defense, but let's put it this way, I wouldn't let them go on a date with my daughter. Obviously Clayton counsels the same way he catches, because these two have more arrests than Clayton has catches (wait, is that an insult?).
But this is a Clayton Hatin' site, so back to the topic at hand.
Do you want to know the scariest part, it's not just the young guys that Clayton may have spoiled. In his own words Clayton says, "Nobody comes in this locker room without me talking to them, to be honest."
What's next, are the Bucs gonna let John Daly councel guys on abstinence or Louie Anderson talk to them about proper eating or Drew Carey teach them how to tell a joke?
Seriously, if you want to turn this ship around Buccaneers, someone needs to f'ing keep Clayton from imparting his "wisdom" on our other players.
So we identified the problem, now it's up to Raheem or someone within the organization to stand up and fix it.
The Gang @ 80Sucks.com
Michael Clayton Vs. Michael Jordan
Do you think little kids in the Philippines wear Clayton jerseys
Every player has a website. They all have twitter accounts. They all have some kind of group or foundation.
But if they're good, and if they're famous and lucky, they might move up to the next level where they start getting nicknames. While this might be commonplace in professional baseball and basketball, a nickname in pro football is quite a status symbol. Around Tampa, we've had the A-Train and...well, we had the A-Train. And maybe "Automatica". Sorry guys, calling Bert Emanuel - "Hurt" Emanuel doesn't really count as a nickname.
If they are among the elite, they could one day become a number. Although it's easy to remember now because it's still fresh, if anyone says "4", you'll think Favre for the rest of your life. Around here we have 63, 40, and 55. Clayton likes to think of himself as "80", but nobody but him has ever referred to him seriously as 80, until we came a long and added the suffix "SUCKS" to it.
But believe it or not, there is a status even beyond Legend that few players ever get to. And I'm not talking about a hate site, even though that is a rare and awesome status indeed. I'm talking about...wait for it...a freakin' THEME SONG. To our knowledge, there is only one other athlete to ever have reached this status, and his name was Michael Jordan (Like Mike, If I Could Be Like Mike)
CLICK HERE TO LISTEN TO THE BRAND NEW SONG: 80 SUCKS
We'd like to thank Fred George and Max Combs for the 80Sucks theme song
That's right, Michael Clayton has it all. He's got lots of money, a website, twitter account, charitable foundation, nickname (does Clay-Hands and Concrete Blocks For Hands count?), he's known by his number 80(sucks), he has his own hate site (you're on it) and now he has his very own theme song.
And all by the age of 27 (think of this as a belated birthday present Mike).
He may never be voted to the pro bowl, or wear a super bowl ring, or maybe even catch another touchdown pass, but who cares? This guy has done it all, as far as we're concerned. Now he can just sit back and ride this for a few years - just like he did after his rookie year.
80Sucks.com Theme Song
Here is the Music Player. You need to installl flash player to show this cool thing!
CLAYTON TD COUNTER
Clayton's last touchdown was 1 year, 2 months, and 21 days ago.Are You Hatin’ Clayton?
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